Back from Mexico – tanned and rested but still harboring a hatred for work, the last thing I need are embarrassing sounds coming from my feet. In a quiet, nearly vacant office, yet still full enough to produce redness on my cheeks when the sound of a person passing gas is emitted from my own god-damn shoes, I am tempted to engage in physical violence towards my footwear.

I don't have much luck with Burberry flats. You'd think I'd learn my lesson the first time but I don't. My love for Novacheck runs deeper than blisters and now apparently fart noises. So God has decided to punish me for giving Burberry shoes one more chance. About a month ago, Gilt had a sale and I purchased a pair of black patent flats in 38.5. Since the 38 flats I have in Burberry are extremely tight I thought half of a size up would help.


I was wrong.

Not only are they snugger then I'd like to admit, they also make others look at you with disdain for sounds that resemble something coming out of your ass!!!

Solutions? Maybe some powder in the shoes? Maybe some good ole’ stretching down at Pasquale’s Shoe repair? Or maybe I should just take this as the ultimate sign to not buy Burberry flats again.